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June 24th 2009

    Such is the torpor in which so many of my relatives have passed their days that most of them have procured great wealth through correct and channeled education, as well as inheritance.  A discipline and a promise I have successfully avoided.  And yet I find the relatives remarkably dull and plodding.  I think of them as Hornworms on that great tomato plant that is the social, rather than beings worth emulating. 

    I am fortunately not the only black sheep in our extended family, I have a blue-eyed comrade.  Together we must have missed something central to proper belonging.  Our ambitions I will claim have been generous and forgiving.  But now we have hit a wall.  And like cornered beasts we are dangerously unbalanced.

    Assumptions once made on our behalf now belong to make-believe.  No longer are we jovial and generous.  No longer is it our task to offer solutions, go without, provide service, describe forgiveness's, understand selfishness, offer help.  Instead it is our turn to do unto others, as has been done to us.

 

    It is the black heart of Revelations.  The chapter of doom that describes nihilism so many generations prior to Nietzsche.  It is a dour expression of emptiness that informs a daily interaction, and our assumptions have been so completely wrong that now is the time for apocalypse, otherwise we remain sad and angry.  

    Our errors were simple.  We believed a cure for injustice was the word "jealous".  We believed in equality.  We believed in generosity.  We believed in fairness.  We believed in Christmas.  We believed that plethora of nonsense that make children got to bed early, and like automatons we retained these ideas for far too long.  All the same, when that phone rings, I have yet to use the word "No".  

    And here, in pursuit of this pure thing I suggest my circumstances should be enjoyed as good Christian entertainment, rather than prophecy.  Otherwise I might sound sorry for myself, and this, thanks to a pure thing, I no longer feel.

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(Laurence Sterne)  (Young people)  (Tomato Hornworm)