An English In Kentucky



















October 10th 2009

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    I suddenly think I can spend twenty dollars on twenty Asparagus plants.  Then I think wouldn't it be nice to have approximately thirty seeds from a Black Russian Tomato, which would cost about three dollars.   There is a thorn-less Blackberry.  There is a Caribbean Pepper that is more powerful than Jalapenos.  There is a purple Potato.  And by morning there are men in boots outside the window digging up Cherry Laurels to satisfy creditors.

    Internet enhanced mail order catalogues are in my view peripherals of the Anti-Christ, and were I a preacher they would figure large amongst those things to thump upon in the lead up to Armageddon.   Knowing, as I do, that the world ends on a distant day in 2052, I would refrain not in the tiniest part from that rhetoric which riles a crowd to go forth and burn things.  In the church yard I see a mountain of computer monitors and a taller mountain of those computer cables that have no apparent purpose, and an even taller mountain of empty promises. 


    Necessary sometimes to imagine eternity and portray the authentic self as belonging to it.  Then I will be here on earth to read: "This herbaceous and indeterminate cooking banana is an ideal winter crop for Kentucky gardeners.  Scrumptious mashed with fresh olives and served with piping hot groundnut soup.  Some folks say this is our most audacious cooking banana yet. Buy ten, get ten free.  Enjoy!" 

    Meanwhile, there is somewhere in the world, an institute of learning where the wise ponder the veracity of the description of vegetables as promulgated by editors of internet enhanced mail order catalogues.  These wise men possess intellect and dexterity sufficient to comprehend and operate the great mystery of "call waiting", so in their number I can never be.

   And I am left with a yearning for purple Potato, Caribbean Red Peppers, and those Black Russian Tomato seeds that have sold out.

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tim candler

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(Banana flower)