have spent good money on four small miracle mole traps from an internet enhanced
mail order catalogue that demonstrates the efficacy of its miracle mole
traps with moving pictures and commentary from a voice that may belong to
an Arch Bishop.
Today I received in the E-mail
a reminder that these miracle mole traps are to be soon delivered
by the United States Postal Service. For
those of us who live above ground, it is an exciting and unexpected announcement
on Columbus Day. And probably yet one more entertainment for those
of us who live below ground.
hope it is a small and very anonymous package, otherwise the Postman must
drive down our road to personally deliver it, and this can result in an
extended period of conversation from which I recover by smoking a
cigarette and wondering whether I might be an alien from a distant planet.
The Postman appears to understand every
word I say, which I find flattering. But I struggle with his subtle use of vowels and consequently I have adopted an attitude which suggests
I might be deaf. This is an impression I have encouraged, because
otherwise I present an aloofness that may lead to serious misunderstanding
between myself and this vital and sometimes sensitive link to the world
I worked for a year in a Post Office sorting
room, so I know what I am talking about. They are dour places, and in
them there is an eternal and often frustrating flow of other people's
business which inevitably has introduced language to new nuances in established
expressions. Here I can think of 'postal' and 'stamp'.
As well, there could be an eccentric insistence
behind our courageous Postman's own mole catching technique, which may
require further explanation through an after hours demonstration. And I can't help but suspect
that this after hours demonstration might involve either a small aggressive dog
that digs in a random and uncontrollable manner, or access to explosives.
Perhaps I should have ordered just two of these
instead of four, then I might have avoided both the multiplication of
extravagance that buy three get one free implies, and having to tip-toe around for the next couple of