An English In Kentucky



















October 31st 2009

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    I got the squint this morning.  This is not a complaint of the intestines, rather it is an expression from eyes in pursuit of deterrence.  But I was reckless.

    Upon a shopping bag I read "I love my home planet earth", and I became derogatory.  What other planet might the 'I' have experienced, I asked.  Had the 'I' cruised amongst the Milky Way in Fireball XL5, I asked.  How, I wondered, did the Holiday Inn on Neptune manage its oxygen supply.  And on I went enjoying increasingly convoluted circles of thought that ended in the back room of a corporate entity where words and ideas are designed to deceive us into paying more for unnecessary things, including 'thank you' bags.

    I suppose elderliness blurs that link between the spoken word and thoughts that cause them.  And I think I have entered that phase when mutterings about this or that become complete sentences that are audible over distance. 




    A mild species of Tourette's I could call it, because it has long included obscene utterance and gesture, and now it includes extended diatribes on wide ranging subjects which too often others hear. 

    Fortunately training has begun.  This time she called it a 'tree-hugger squint'.  Upon the shopping bag was written - "I love my home" followed by a pause, then came the words "Planet Earth".   Why the pause makes a difference I cannot identify with any accuracy, but I have accepted that it does.   

   And while it is always better to field a 'tree-hugger squint' than it is to catch a 'please don't mention soil squint', there is no more enjoyable experience than the 'don't you squint at me squint'.

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tim candler

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