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March 30th  2011    Tim Candler

    Degrees of reliable-ness are usually associated with what a person can expect from another.  Me, I try to be an unreliable person, because I'm not emotionally matched to doing for others what they could be doing for themselves.

    The Old Me would make his promises and smile, and then as the days wore on he'd ask the question "why?"  Which would lead to disgruntlement and aggression and a sense of being put upon, accompanied by considerable pacing about with muttering.

     The New Me is so much better at saying "No!"  And sometimes he does so with a vehemence and loudness that often surprises an innocent requester.

     Then afterwards the New Me feels terribly guilty and self centered.  He feels his spine cave as blood rushes to his head and sometimes he can hear the Old Me laughing at him.   Which leads to quarreling with self, and recrimination, which is also accompanied by pacing about with muttering.

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