An English In Kentucky


















Tuesday April 24th 2012    Tim Candler

      Despite the great sense it makes to me, I  have decided against defining "billionaire" as, "an accidental utterance from strands of DNA."  Such a definition could quickly misdirect the ambitious grandparent, send him trooping to the laboratory for more reasons to drink.  So I'll reluctantly agree that it's better for everybody to define the class of billionaire as, "crackpots who did well."

    I had thought of putting a "very" in front of the words, "did well."  But the word "very" rattles my intended meaning of "well," because "very" seems to give "well" a place on a hierarchy of wellness.  Which would not only erroneously suggest that I intend "crackpot" and "wellness" to have some sort of a symbiotic relationship, but might also suggest I had a dogmatic grasp of what "well" might be.

    But I do know that once a crackpot enters the class of billionaire, they do not actually cease being crackpots.  Which is why I use the past tense "did" to imply that both "doing" and "well," in the defining of billionaire, was a something that happened yesterday, and which might not necessarily happen again.

   The happier fact is that most "crackpots"  fall to that flaw a cracked pot is better known for, which is why a majority of crackpots can be seen foddering around the edges of  balance. Perhaps even mumbling about space travel or mining gold or platinum from passing asteroids as they push the cart through a grocery aisle.

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