An English In Kentucky


















Thursday August 9th 2012    Tim Candler

    These days where I live we disapprove when the severed head of an opponent is placed upon a stake then marched around town, except when this is done symbolically.  As for example, when "The Little Leaguers" go on to a semi-semi-quarter-final.  However there are many who still regard traditional practice as the more obvious solution to resolving disagreement, even when the dispute is completely invented, and for no apparent reason, such as any form of Olympic Event.   Stocks and Pillories, for example.  Ping-Pong, The Rack, The Brazen Bull, The Spanish Tickler, Foot Roasting, The Street Sweepers Daughter, Toe Wedging, Football in all its forms and there is always Water as an instrument of torture.

      But I try to understand it as all a part of that single minded determination to win Gold.  Which apparently is an Olympic virtue as well as a religious goal.  So even better, for example, if political opponents learn to openly dislike each other by digging deeper into the dictionary for words like "Aeolist" or "Batrachophagous Head" or "Mamothept" then sink toward the more visceral and popular traditions of  "Raccoon Felcher,"  "Shit Mouth" and "Card Carrying  Moron." That way there is less pretending the game has anything to do with a fairy dust that can also be promulgated through the blooms of language.  And I really need to stop planting in rows and mooning over the Velvet Ant.

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