An English In Kentucky


















Thursday June 14th 2012    Tim Candler

    It might have been that last night there was A Rapture, because town this morning was unnaturally peaceful and very well behaved.  Everyone used their indicators, except for Gore-Lieberman.  His bumper sticker is beginning to fade and looked to me as though it might recently have been subject to attempted vandalism, probably a grandchild, so no wonder he was distracted and any way we all know his daily routine.  As well there were a few older model pickup trucks, a bobble head or two, and just the one oaf with a pair of yellow gonads.  Then fortunately, the Post Office was closed, not because of a holiday, but because somehow or other we had gathered ourselves far too early. And I must say I was quite relieved, because now that I am gainfully employed I usually feel saintly and deserving on Thursdays, before diving into the depth of depression that is my Sunday, or a calendar Friday, or trash day, depending on perspective.

     The Hardware Store, however, is under the auspices of Job Creators, so those who are employed there are never permitted to sleep or go home, they have to wear uniforms and are forced through some surgical procedure to smile no matter the circumstance.  At this time of year too,  the Hardware Store takes on what I guess are college students, and as a rule they are about as useful as a handkerchief, or maybe having tasted the retail industry they are very, very determined to remain aloof, so as to be better able to concentrate on their school work.   All the same, The Artist took her chance to acquire what I believe is called 'An Air Inlet With Filter.'  She knew exactly where it was, and what size it was supposed to be and where it was supposed to go.  I being 'handy,' which is always nice to hear even if I am not certain what it means, was charged with installing it.  And it looked simple enough, a couple of screws and I knew where the screw driver was, but sufficient to say that by that time of day when  a Postal Employee should have been enjoying a well deserved lunch break, my chances of  being pulled by my head into the heavenly presence were forever gone.


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