An English In Kentucky


















Monday April 1st 2013    Tim Candler


    A recent estimate suggests that there are twenty six and half million cubic kilometers of ice on the very large continent of Antarctica, which is about five percent more than previous estimates.  Further estimates suggest that should this ice all melt, sea level would now rise by fifty eight meters.  And I too share the opinion prevalent a little to the west, to the east and to the south of where I live that the metric system is not only the principle reason President  Jimmy Carter served just the one term, it is also a communist conspiracy and quite obviously yet one more manifestation of Sharia Law, as well as being a threat to the Second Amendment's rules about who is and is not permitted to load a musket.  So, in order to give fifty eight meters a perspective the Weeping Prophet Jeremiah and I might both understand, fifty eight meters is somewhere between ninety and a hundred ells or amahs or cubits, or about half a stadium, or about as far as you can walk in a minute at a rate both Jeremiah and I, after much debate, have decided to call - 'prophet with large shaking stick, long beard and poor knees shuffling pace, when he is being chased by barking Beagle puppies which have rabies.'

     Which basically means that if all the Antarctic ice were to melt, Greece and France would remain much as they are today.  But Lake Galilee, or the water Jesus walked upon, would probably join the Mediterranean at the town of Haifa, a little north of Mount Carmel, an area which prior to the Roman occupation was generally called "mound of the fish." Lake Galilee would then stretch all the way south, almost to  the Gulf of Aqaba. The English, not the Scots or the Welsh, would lose at least half of their land mass. That bedrock of freedom, the Netherlands would become two small marshy Islands off the crocodile infested Coast of Germany, and here in the United States, Huston, Sacramento, New York City, pretty much all of Louisiana and Florida would be underwater.  Meanwhile, Richmond and Washington DC would have become Mosquito ravaged seaside towns, and the Mississippi River would enter the Gulf of Mexico somewhere in the middle of that part of the world that still thinks it's 1913 and would much rather it was 1813 when  a slave owning Madison was president, and poor Dolley kicked out of the Quakers for marrying a Deist.  But, if Hippo are ever signed into Kentucky's Category II list of  invasive species, unlike Jeremiah, I'll not be blubbering on into the night about my personal relationship with the universe, or what Jeremiah calls his Creator.


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