An English In Kentucky


















Sunday April 7th 2013    Tim Candler


    Snurk Factor is at level ten.  A complicated  technical expression, I know.  To give it a perspective I guess a level ten Cold Factor is something in the region of minus one hundred Fahrenheit and you'd have to be in somewhere like Vostok, Antarctica, where the coldest temperature reading ever on earth was made by Soviet scientists in July of 1983, a reading of minus one hundred and twenty eight degrees Fahrenheit.  In Vostok the record high is around ten degrees Fahrenheit, which in Cold Factor equivalence for Vostok would be about level one, or a good day to take off a couple of layers, get out and about, do a little shopping, walk the Husky.

   Another way of thinking about Snurk Factor at level ten, is to take an old feather pillow, put it in a very large plastic bag, add something yellow, like mustard powder, or brush a couple of tablespoons of pollen off the bonnet of the vehicle, maybe add some dirty socks and a few toe nails lost to foot fungus, and for about ten years keep it in a warm cupboard. Then remove the contents of the plastic bag, send everything through one of those noisy electrical devices that can make milk shakes and when necessary can turn rock into dust,  return the pulverized remains to the plastic bag, then  climb into the plastic bag, have someone seal it up with one of those horrible wire ties and you just roll around taking deep breaths for a about eight hours.  Dangerous you might think. Not for small children and old people, you might think.  But trust me, Snurk Factor 10 is a warm day in Vostok if put beside the end of this month when Tics hatch and The Twitch Factor can approach level ten.


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