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Friday June 28th 2013  Tim Candler

 

    The Friend Who Lives Too Far Away, suggested that Domestic Appliances have entered a conspiracy against members of my own species, and that this conspiracy is no ordinary Jack in the Box, pink and white conspiracy, but rather it is of a complex nature.  And here, leaving aside such issues as "On Switch redesign" and "lights that blink," both of which can be easily dismissed by the cynic as "User Error," I wish to enter into the record two very recent experiences with newly acquired Clothes Washing and a Clothes Drying Machine, which I believe support the argument for, and offer insight into, my friend's keen observation that the conspiracy is indeed complex in nature.

     The new devices themselves are quite glamorous, they have good paintwork, and they have no jagged edges despite each essentially being a cube. In every respect they appear innocent in that slicky-boy and fresh-faced way.  But, when you eventually find the "On Switch," they do come alive with lights, some of which flash in a very alarming manner. Which means that necessarily you have to open the handbook, and there, on page forty one, you discover that should anything go wrong with either one of them, the machines themselves are capable of communicating with their maker via the telephone.  And I can tell you there has been some angelic behavior and much tip-toeing around from me. And, if you want to know where The Artist is, she was volunteered to got to town to buy Dairy Products, because at the end of what is rather ominously called "The Cycle," and the clothes are either washed or dried, the devices each utter a little jingle that sounds exactly as though there's an Ice Cream Van in the driveway.

 

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