Sunday February 23rd 2014 Tim
I'm having a terrible a job bumping off
Primrose. And I think I know where the problem lies. It's deep down
there in the dark heart of structure, in the interstices of devils and
angels. It's a call for shape, the slope of narrative that bounces
lines off circles. Primrose is an 'ooh-la-la' forcing lines to go
against their nature, spiral toward that inevitable and pathetic end
that is round and dot-shaped. And I just hate being told what to do,
particularly so when that voice is actually in my own head. It yells
"entropy" at me and sometimes it yells "physics not geometry" and
sometimes it sneers "you're an idiot." Sometimes it's the sad shrug of,
"This is the way things are, so pull yourself together, get with the
program." And too, I have heard the voice utter the brutal words,
"Cancun might not be hell on Earth." And I'd agree, this last is
so shattering a sound it might have been drawn by a pair of compasses.
However The Rabbit of Usk is not about circles, it's more
about straight lines, and I already have ghosts aplenty that
haunt and drive minds to such a happy distraction I have no
doubt about their "structure-less-ness," or "solidarity," or
as the truly insipid might argue, "incomprehensibleness."
So if I can't bump Primrose off very soon it'll be kind of
like saying, "the principle object of the past five or six
winters has been to achieve absolutely nothing." And I am
beginning to think that the only way I might be able to bump
off Primrose is through some form of acceptance. And here I
have identified a number of words and phrases associated
with having fallen into this hole of despair. A few of the
more obvious ones that I must be wary of using are - "Enjoy"
"Have A Nice Day" "Thank You So Much" Either way,
right or wrong, I'm trying hard to achieve a grisly, wanton
and completely unnecessary end for Primrose in the next
couple of weeks.