An English In Kentucky


















Thursday July 3rd 2014  Tim Candler


    The Artist is developing a relationship with a Zoogleal Mat. Its a complexity of organisms that form what some refer to as a 'slime growth.' Or sometimes simply 'Slimes,' which are different to Slime Molds. But because I am a pompous arse, I prefer Zoogleal Mat, or "The Mat."   In water filtration systems that use sand, a Zoogleal Mat is a living thing that feeds on waste products such as dead organisms, silt and other debris.  If the sand filtration system is fully operational and has adequate flow through it, The Mat is pretty much invisible to the human eye. But when The Mat gets very happy and is properly fed with proper tea and regularly cooed at,  it'll take the form of a big white pancake, that floats on the top of it's nutritional supplements, and as I understand it, The Mat will just get bigger and bigger and bigger, might even cause baby Mats, until such time as it produces sufficient acid and alcohol to corrupt its environment.

     I hear the polite question, because I too have asked it. And the answer is a slightly acid, slightly alcoholic effervescent drink that is absolutely delicious, and good for that all important sense of living on the edge.  And I hear the second polite question, because I too have asked it. And the answer is no. After lights out, The Mat does not escape from it's jar in the dark cupboard, run amok across the kitchen floor. As for the third polite question, the answer is yes.  The Mat can become sickly, fail to properly acidify its waste product, it does eschew plastics and metals and wood, and  it is somewhat temperamental, and if not properly cared for, might even kill you.  Interesting too, what the Chinese call Red Tea, English speakers call Black Tea.  And the English word Kombucha, might have come from the Japanese word for Kelp Tea which sounds like  "Konbucha." And if you stare suspiciously at The Mat, which I have regularly done, it does kind of look like a Sea Weed that lurks in the depths waiting for an innocent to toddle by.

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