An English In Kentucky


















Sunday March 9th  2014  Tim Candler


     Had to sit up a little bit when I was told that state agencies have a computer program called "Squeaky Dolphin."  What it does is collect and then analyze information from what's called "social media."  Which is I guess distinct from that sort of media where a person gets paid to pontificate and we all have to sit through advertizing if we wish to hear what they have to say. I would have to think that  "analyze"  means the Squeaky Dolphin puts information into "categories."  Much more interesting would be the titles of those categories, but that information is unavailable, unless I have a strong desire to go live in Russia.  Interesting too is an analysis of web browser users that knows enough to apply personality traits to particular web browsers.  For example if you use "Internet Explorer" you are less "open to experience" than you are if you use "Chrome."  And if you use "Internet Explorer" you're more "agreeable" than if you use "Safari."



      So it all seems rather pathetic and sad, and probably totally unnecessary and useless, unless it's possible to think of some reason not to have an ex member of a secret service running a country. That's the world which assumes "If you have them by the balls you don't need their hearts or minds." So if you're a megalomaniac or determined to succeed or think you know everything, better to use clubs and sticks, than mess around in the ludicrous business of sharing idea with words. But if I think of Squeaky Dolphin as contributing to the construction of a great big brain that might one day determine our fate through an analysis of our wants and needs and from this analysis predict our actions, I can then foresee  a world dominated by the "Interpretive Dance" of the twenty first century. Or lolcats as others might call it. Lolcats are basically pictures of cats accompanied by extraordinarily irritating and completely unnecessary assumptions.  Fortunately I'll soon be extinct, because I'm a proud Firefox user, which means I smoke heavily, I'm introverted, snail like, hate being told what time it is, less conscientious and more neurotic than users of other browsers.


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