An English In Kentucky


















Monday September 8th 2014  Tim Candler


   To us mono-pedal, the bipedal quickly become distant cousins.  We might spot the odd one or two waiting to cross a road, glare at them a little from the passenger seat of vehicle, but on the average trip to a hospital, there aren't that many of them to be seen. Until your indentured chauffeur makes the right turn onto the bypass near the ice-cream place, and then just this side of the car dealer there's a couple of hundred of them skipping and jumping around kicking soccer balls at each other.  It's a depressing and somewhat haunting sight, refreshed a little by the patient car parking where in the shelter of some very depressing looking bi-pedal structures a group from the off-duty can be seen enjoying their tobacco and setting a much better example to the kiddies.


    The attendant medical professionals, in their assortment of often unflattering outfits, are of course all bipedal. One sits patiently through the confusion of paperwork, and pause a while to ponder the origin of some of the questions. "What are your hobbies?" being probably the most peculiar.  But in the world of the bipedal there's whole lot of stuff that makes very little sense, and we mono-pedal have to learn that not everyone can be like us.  Interesting too, before I was privileged to join the ranks of the mono-pedal I was something like six foot seven, one hundred and seventy five pounds of grit and muscle, but now I'm a little over a hundred and forty nine pounds of something vaguely resembling a damn fine looking freckled cottage cheese and apparently I'm something like a well balanced five foot three.

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