An English In Kentucky


















 Wednesday May 11th 2016Tim Candler9


      It's the Eggplant a person worries about with a Sunday morning forecast of 43 Fahrenheit. The Eggplant considers that a chill, and he'll raise his leaves as though to protect himself. It looks like the arms up of a surrendering platoon, and it calls out for the sort of "pull yourselves together" attitude a Gardener usually reserves for his own weaker moments. And of course there's always that "why did I let this happen to you" sense of guilt that lingers, so it's probably just as well that Eggplants have yet to learn how to throw eggs, chant while carrying banners and say things like "F--- You!" But after hail it's a different story, a Gardener can ramble on about "it's not my fault" and become all convoluted around "it's an Act of God," blame exuberant consumption for yet another obvious example of Climate Change.



      I heard the hail, I didn't actually see the hail, my sins are such that my own preference during any suspicion of an Act of God is to hide, but a reliable witness suggested our hail wasn't as big as it might have been, which was comforting. Then on the radio there were reports of what's charmingly referred to as "Golf Ball Sized Hail." It was a little south of here and in the morning there were pictures of it on the internet. It's the kind of sight that really makes a person understand why they're all so weird in Kansas. Fortunately here where I live our sins must have been minor infringements, a cruel word or two rather than something like drunkenness while robbing a bank. The Eggplants, along with everyone else in the Vegetable Garden have a bad case of Holy Leaf but there's been no actual call to the hereafter from something like a golf ball. 



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