Thursday December 14th 2017Tim
The plan is
to bravely venture into the unknown, explore the
possibilities and return with sanity intact. God
willing, I could be gone no more than four hours. And
here we're talking yet another attempt to engage with
the snorting and sniffling nightmare of the festive
season. This time, despite my instinct against it, I
intend to shave, shower, shampoo the hair, and I'll do
this to avoid any suggestion from the purveyors of
festive goods that I might be one of those who can't
remember his telephone number or his billing zip code.
Over time a person begins to understand his own
weaknesses, and should you share mine, it's better to
have an excuse ready and waiting for why you can't
remember stuff like bunches of numbers and have to find
them on a piece of paper in your purse, otherwise it
really looks suspicious. Keep it simple. "That'll
be the new number?" A questioning eyebrow, followed by
an enthusiastic and willing "I've got it right here."
for sure, never again will I enter the Books A Million
and enquire after a Book Token. This of course was years
ago, before things like having to remember a telephone
number or a zip code in order to conduct a financial
transaction. In that simpler time you just paid cash.
Back then I was still basically driving on the wrong
side of the road, but at least I was doing it very
slowly. Nor were my language skills adequate to the
English as spoken in these here United States.
Book Tokens I discovered were clearly code for a
nefarious and possibly criminal activity, right up there
with soliciting. For those interested Book Tokens in
book shops here in the USA are called Gift Certificates.
Call them a Book Token or attempt to explain what they
are and you risk getting more than some very peculiar
looks. Call them a Gift Certificate and the sales
assistant gives you the distinct impression that your
seasonal gift giving lacks anything like imagination and
you're probably a vegetarian with a Tofu Turkey to look
forward to, but at least you don't get asked to leave
the store, which oddly enough is incredibly