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Monday October 2nd 2017Tim Candler9

 

     A good percentage of English Speakers might assume that a Bush Hog was some kind of wild and totally out of control Boar. It's the case also that the uncastrated male Guinea Pig is called a Boar, and a male Beaver is called a Boar. But the Hog part of Bush Hog is a Madison Avenue-esque description for something that gobbles stuff up in a less than polite manner. And here we're not talking the poetry and grace of the scythe, we're talking the rotating blade of a mowing machine that's powered and pulled by a noisy and foul smelling tractor across land that's doing it's very best to achieve a harmony and meaning all by itself. The result is manicured acres above which Vulture peer down from the sky smelling out the corpses of meaty morsels. At this time of year it's usually a snake of some sort, in the early year it can be nest of Turkey eggs or even a little spotted doe eyed Bambi, which does give Eden an additional nuance.

 

Past

        In our own pair, it's The Artist who has traditionally spent a portion of her time upon earth Bush-hogging. There's a Zen to it, I'm told. Mowed lines that snugly follow the contours, patterns gained in a slow motion, care taken to minimize messy turn arounds.  It's great fun, it's not hard and when it's all done there's a neatness, ready for the frost, the snow and the toboggan or whatever. Not really certain why, but this Autumnal Season it was my turn to Bush-Hog. I had my lesson, and what with the hi-revs, medium-revs, low-revs on the steeper inclines, and except for "brakes are adrenalin so don't go near neutral on a slope otherwise you'll end up in Central Time," most of it went completely over my head. Now I have been a here and there, done this and that, I've worked some really mind blowingly boring jobs, and I'd just like to say that Bush-Hogging is down there in the seventh circle of hell along with shelling Peas, shaving and enduring the company and opinions of Bloated Plutocrats.

 

 

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