An English In Kentucky


















Tuesday October 31st 2017Tim Candler9


     "Beloved," Saeed was able to read before his eyes began to glaze over. Fortunately his religious advisor understood legalese and after carefully reading the letter from Oman all the way through to the Defender of the Faith, Hammer of Elphinstone, the advisor looked up at his prince and announced, "Thou hast royal permission to offer the infidel resources sufficient for tunneling not to exceed a distance of one hundred haths." Saeed was thrilled and over breakfast he asked the Dutchman to translate the good news to the Industrial Magnet representatives, who having expressed their delight admitted they were unfamiliar with the "hath" as a unit of measurement. The Dutchman who was extraordinarily wise in these matters chose not to enlighten the Industrial Magnet representatives on the nature of a hath. Nor was the hath a particularly generous unit of measurement, when compared to the kind of magnificent tunnel building Saeed in his hunt for dinosaur fossils had hoped to contribute to the railway line. Which meant there followed something of a heart to heart between Saeed and his religious advisor on the extent to which Allah frowned upon out right lying to the infidel.



     Saeed, who had pretended not to notice that Alejandra Pachis had invited herself to the royal breakfast and was consuming vast numbers of poached eggs and breakfast buns, chatting with the seamstresses about the engrossing characteristics of the Pachis embroidery stitch which indeed may have found its way from the Indian Subcontinent to the Greek Islands from which her own name had its origins, now saw his chance to push the limits of his relationship with his god. "A hath," the  Dutchman translated, "Is the distance between the end of a person's little finger to their elbow, and that includes girls."  Industrial Magnet representatives were naturally disappointed, they'd been hoping that a hath was a mile or maybe something like kilometer, but in their world one thing could always lead to another, and almost in unison they pointed to the Devotee of Diana and said "How about her hath?"  Saeed, who could be a tricky customer when he chose to be, pursed a lip, became briefly uncertain around the fate of his immortal soul and then he said "Why not." And while Alejandra became the second Barbarian ever to turn an hourly wage, the Pachis Hath as a unit of measurement is to this day considered standard practice amongst Saint Barbara's more traditional carpenters, it's kind of like a baker's dozen only instead of a half baked thirteen, it's more like an exuberant Baker's seventeen, almost thirty thumb widths if you're using the Celtic System.



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