An English In Kentucky


















Friday October 6th 2017Tim Candler9


     It was pure luck, rather than a moment of lateral thinking.  Nor was this one of those Convenience Stores where the wages of employees afford a shopper who might have been hit by a confusion the luxury of being able to run down a knowledgeable or even friendly store Associate. The guiding light in such places is more of a hunter-gatherer theory of the shopping experience. And probably just as well, it's aisles after aisle of nonsensical purchasing possibilities, anything from diapers, through kitty-litter to Frozen Pizza, interspersed with the occasional gleam of disappointment. Your gardener was almost ready to surrender to the inevitability of a planet aligned against him when he decided to take what looked like a short cut to the exit sign and found himself surrounded by large, very well fed, intense, oddly scented, manly men, none of them with shopping carts and all of them wearing magnificent boots and dressed in what could have been Militia outfits, one of whom looked very much as though he was in the process of getting married to what could have been a Kalashnikov. I was in what's loosely referred to as Outdoor Sports and Tackle.



     More likely with us gardeners it's a mistrust of any kind of labor saving that makes us stubborn around mechanical devices no matter the purpose, and nothing to do with sensitiveness to what in Outdoor Sports and Tackle would have been regarded as dainty, minimalist type footwear well suited to pushing a shopping cart. Quite why the Groom chose to look at my feet instead of concentrating on his wedding vows, I don't know. Either way I had a poor reaction, no clue what gets into me, I blame the contribution of a Viking from generations ago who gave me freckles and a wholly irrational streak. "Looked all over! Can't find Oats or Legumes," I chose to answer in a manner that suggested both frustration with and disappointment in the current state of Western Civilization. But, in Outdoor Sports and Tackle, Oats, Legumes and Brassicas are common topics of conversation. Seeds of these grains and vegetables are planted in woodland glades to provide winter fodder for the Deer and the Antelope. I swaggered out of there with my shopping cart pushing a ten pound bag that had a splendid picture of a very fine creature with terrifying looking horns printed upon it, and hope to God that the Deer and the Antelope don't start leaping fences to get at the green manure for next year's vegetables. 



Previous     Next