An English In Kentucky


















Saturday June 2nd 2018Tim Candler9


    Many years ago, as a young bright eyed, enthusiastic youth of tender years, your correspondent endured two life altering experiences. The first was a winter that included snow, freezing temperatures, heatless dormitories and an attitude amongst his peers that included the unbelievably absurd idea that two blankets on the bed was for sissies. The second was the change in time from ordinary time to daylight savings time. And it became clear to him that life in the land of the pink people was  under no circumstances reasonable, so it was basically no wonder Anglo Saxons generally did everything they could to get the hell off the green and pleasant land by conquering as much of the rest of the world as possible. Back then of course teachers of English History considered these views D minus to the point of subversive material which is how your correspondent was first introduced to something called Detention. 



    In my view Detention was kind of like heaven, because the alternatives to Detention was a thing called Free Time, which meant that while my peers were forced to remain outdoors entertaining themselves by trying to keep warm, I was well sheltered from the stiff breezes that usually contained rain. Sadly the alternative to Detention was something called a Visit to the Headmaster, a deviously cunning man who knew a slacker when he saw one. Briefly your correspondent was able to maintain dominance in the battle of wits by demonstrating symptoms that characterize the Moron, which is just above idiot. Then one day, your correspondent was called from the algebra class and introduced to an extraordinary sight. She was gentle to look at, she smelled nothing like wet socks and she sat me down and asked me to perform a number of simple tasks that included arranging different shaped blocks. I was like putty in my determination to impress. It was pathetic, weak minded of me, an Achilles Heel that's lingered big time.


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