An English In Kentucky


















Thursday August 22nd 2019Tim Candler9


    Your gardener does have the occasional melt down. I say occasional on the understanding that a definition of occasional includes a very flexible view of time, say only once or twice an hour as opposed to twenty or thirty times an hour. And no doubt about it a gardener as he proceeds into the joy of his melt down begins to feel a powerful sense of "My God, I'm brilliant" and he can find himself taking the Lord's name in vain to the point where a simpler, less nuanced grasp of the Christian message could suggest a Hail Mary or two might not substitute for being burned slowly at the stake.


     For those of us who might never have had the experience of a melt down, you begin to get a sense that you're having one when an internal dialogue ceases to heed the niceties of politeness, elements of reasonable dialogue and out it all comes, torrent after torrent. Too late you suddenly realize that you're making no sense at all, so you try again and again, each time unsuccessful. Then fortunately you interpret an expression from your otherwise very unhelpful and a long way from hardcore gardening assistant that suggests she was rather hoping that something like a helicopter or a Bald Eagle would swoop down and whisk you off, lodge you in a secure location for an unspecified period of time, maybe throw away the key.


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