An English In Kentucky


















Tuesday January 15th 2019Tim Candler9


     By some accounts, many, many generations ago, toward the end of the Cretaceous Period while Dinosaur still lumbered around before getting their act together by becoming Birds, our ancestors were four legged, tailed, furry and inclined toward skittering around in an often nervous manner. We were good at hiding and when chased by something cold blooded we could scamper up what passed for the trees  Not that easy for us to scamper up trees these days, but back then we more likely did so in the way that Squirrels and Cats do today. In short, we had claws, not nails. Diet-wise we were omnivorous, and not hard to imagine the brief period of plenty we benefitted from when the Dinosaurs succumbed to environmental challenges, it must have been kind of like giant lumps of manna from heaven and we probably multiplied in a dramatic manner, so we were ready for the Paleocene which was when we mammals came into our own, started bossing every one else around. And it was probably during the Paleocene when to avoid the more bad tempered meat eating mammals our variety of mammal took to the trees which back then would have included Conifers, and pine nuts, all very healthy and wholesome.



     Your correspondent isn't one to look at his feet very often. Never had a good or affectionate relationship with them. They are fundamentally unattractive, they are prone to exuding often foul odors, they are constantly complaining and I have found that it's just better not to dwell upon them. But I do have to cut my toenails now and then, which means being brave, getting up close and personal with them. It's not a chore I ever look forward to, yet over the years I have noticed an interesting quality to my toenails, they are thickening, they are curving and frankly are becoming more like claws than nails. It's exciting. Possibly in old age there's been a wonderfully dramatic genetic slippage in my collection of genes, rather than retreating closer and closer to the womb which is the sadly dictated direction for so many of us as we enter dotage, I am in the process of retreating to the more Squirrel like phase of our species, back to the good old days when we had claws, far too busy for nonsense like tool making and no time for language much beyond "Uh-Ho" and "Yum-Yum." Nor would we have had any problem making sense of our world. And one things for sure our remains would have been snapped up by the Paleocene's equivalent to birds of the air, none of this domination by the funeral home industrial complex.....

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