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Saturday March 30th 2019Tim Candler9

 

    What with one thing and another, it's possibly unlikely and probably absurd to think that a debate question for any gathering of presidential candidates might include an attempt to elicit a better understanding of the candidates by framing a question around the relationship between Penelope and Odysseus in an effort to gain insight into a candidate's position on Odysseus as an heroic figure, defined as a person to be admired, idealized for their courage, achievements and noble qualities in this season of 2019/2020. And you don't have to tell me that for a can-do snowflake in good standing this is hugely disappointing which means your gardener is just going to have to shower, shave, brush his hair, decide on an outfit, offer the Girl Cat the role of chairperson of an exploratory committee and announce his intention to run for President of these here United States. I'd have baggage of course, quite a lot of it, so the Kitten will be charged with bud nipping, press releases and those more underhanded ancillary campaigning activities that usually result in an exalted and highly paid career as a Washington Lobbyist. 

 

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     And fair warning, I'll not be voting for myself because I have promised to never vote for a anyone over the age of 55, and should I be chosen to serve I will insist on swearing my oath of allegiance on the Andrew George translation of the Epic of Gilgamesh, two points I shall reiterate throughout the campaign. And always worth remembering exactly why it is we true blue pompous ass snowflakes unnerve to the point of creeping out a majority of any given population. In the end "Interpret The Odyssey, and defend your interpretation," has a simple answer. "My interpretation: a poem that emerged from the turmoil of the Trojan War and its aftermath. Defense of this interpretation: do the issues and ways of thinking explored in the poem remain useful as we attempt to choose our future? Some might, some might not." When the applause finally dies down, I'd go on to minutely compare and contrast the balance between Lotus Eating, the perils of slaughtering someone's sacred goat, or cow and the potential for, along with the imperatives of, progress in open societies as opposed to reverting to a luridly tyrannical society such as Sparta where 90% of the population was held in servitude by a blinkered aristocratic elite. I can picture it now, giant headlines, interviews on the 24 hour news and plummeting poll numbers.

 

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