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How to read an e-book



 On Amazon or Barnes and Noble and their ilk, they have you kind of by the balls. And to read e-books from them you will need their e-book reading device. Which is "Nook" for Barnes and Noble, and "Kindle" for Amazon. So go ahead submit your soul to the adventure and enjoy the advertizing.  

 

But to read my own venture into the literary world. This is what you do.

 
First

You need to download a free e-book reader for your computer.

 

Go to this link:

 http://www.adobe.com/solutions/ebook/digital-editions/download.html  

 

Sounds easy, I know. And it can be if you have an answer to the following aggravating question:

Do you have Windows, or do you have Macintosh?

 

If you don't know the answer, find someone under the age of forty years old if you have to. But you should know that thirteen and fourteen year olds are you best bet. You can find them sometimes in the check out at the grocery store where they do the bagging of groceries and are never very cheerful. And if you're very unfortunate one might live next door to you.

 

 

Second

If you have Windows, 'click' to download the Windows version of the e-reader. If you have Macintosh, 'click' to download the Macintosh version of the e-reader.

 

And here it can get nerve-racking, because a little sign will come up which asks you another question.

 

"Do you want to save the file?" or "Do you want to open the file?"

 

And here the word 'file' refers to the 'e-reader.'

 

My own traditional practice has been to just 'click' on something and then see what happens.  But the other option is to save the 'e-reader file' to your computer. So you 'click' the button that says 'save.'

 

Then you wait, and you think about the internet, and maybe you have a cigarette to calm your nerves.

 

So hang in there. "Do not unplug your machine."

 
 

Third 

If you are very lucky all will go well, there might even be a happy little 'ding' which over time you can learn to switch off by what's called, "muting the sound." And you might also find that once you have "muted the sound" it might be some time before are able to "un-mute the sound."

Either way some thing will come up on your screen which will ask: "Do you want to open the file?" To this question you 'click' yes.

 

Then all hell breaks loose and you manage to convince yourself that some demon has taken possession of your computer and any minute there will be total strangers examining your medical records and borrowing money from you without your permission.

  

Fifth

 

During the "opening of the file process" you might be asked whether you want an icon placed upon your "desktop."  I have always said yes to this question, because I have found that unless I have an icon on the "desktop" or on the "toolbar" I never know what has happened to something like an 'e-reader' and it just gets lost.

 

Sixth

Then you have your 'e-reader' and mine is called Adobe Digital Editions 4.0. Which is a pompous ass kind of name, but I like it.

 

Seventh

The next big adventure is to get yourself an 'e-book.' There are a great many of them and some are free. 'Free e-books' can be wonderful. The don't cost you anything, they can be fun and they can be entertaining. Some are an absolute waste of time unless you're an anthropologist or an angry grammarian or take huge pleasure in the misfortunate spelling of others. But some 'free e-books' are well worth reading, and maybe I am biased but for you first 'e-book' I'd try going to this page:

https://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/timcandler

 

Eighth

Potter down the page until you see a bunch of what could be miniature books. 'Click' on a picture of free one. And you'll be taken to a page which has a number of complexities not least of which is what to do next.

 

If you have Adobe Digital Editions 4.0, then you need to know that this 'e-reader' speaks a language called 'epub.' So 'click' on 'epub' and in very short order you're back to where you started with the same old 'open the file, save the file' questions.

 

Have a look at the notice, and see if it says "Open with." If it does, right next to "Open with" you might see: Adobe Digital Editions 4.0.

 

If so 'click' the 'Open with' button. And low and behold your e-reader has a book to read. And you just sort of 'click around and in time you get the hang of turning pages and stuff like that. And it's not really like a book, but it's kind of like a book and it is the twenty first century and Caxton's been gone a long time.

 

If it doesn't say Adobe Digital Editions 4.0 next to 'Open with' then 'click' the 'save' button.

 

Ninth

What happens to things that are downloaded?

They go to a part of your computer that's called "Downloads."

 

Sometimes you can search downloads by going to the top left had or right hand corner where it says "Search Downloads."

 

But if you've got no idea what you're looking for that can be kind of tricky. So what you can do is look for dates of the download.

 

If you can't find a date then you have to go to the toolbar where it says things like 'new folder' or 'share with.' On the right hand side of this toolbar there are some mysterious symbols. What you're looking for is some kind of option that says 'details.' 'Click' on a couple of these symbols and keep on 'clicking' until you start seeing dates in the list of the "downloaded"

 

Good luck